Love After Divorce.
I don’t know about you, but as a young woman, I always thought marriage was forever and that the person you married was the one you would grow old with. For some, this is true & the person you marry will be with you forever. My parents are good role models of love and how I see relationships & connections. For others, it is not, & that was true of my first marriage. I see it as a gift to start over, to find the person that you are truly meant to be with, to love the way you are meant to love, to trust fully, to do the things you thought you would NEVER be able to do, to unfold your authentic self.
As I sit here and listen to The Chicks, the song Julianna, it reminds me to breathe. And I want you as the reader to breathe, put on your best shoes or best of something you have, and “strut the fuck around like you got nothing to lose!” I was in the spot of staying strong and wearing another mask to move through the yuckiness of separation and divorce. But I also celebrated the freedom to start over. It was a teetertotter of scared shitless & independence. I had dance parties in my living room, went out, and did things I had not done in years. But I was scared, nervous, and excited to know what was next. I still remember to this day sitting in my old bedroom thinking… “Is this how it is going to be for the rest of my life? Would my marriage change, or is there someone else out there for me that would ignite my heartbeat to true love, passion, & be a best friend?”.
The universe has a funny way of listening to us if something truly lives in our heart and is spoken out loud. Honestly, after a marriage of 12 years ended, I wanted to meet someone else, to find the kind of love that makes the butterflies in your body come alive. I know you might be thinking. I just got out of a marriage and I should wait. WAIT FOR WHAT? I was turning 40 that year, and I was not in my 20’s anymore. I know I could have taken time to really heal myself, and not saying you should not, but this is not the direction I took, and even looking back on it now, I don’t regret it.
I started getting curious about Match.com. I had never been on a dating website before. So, a little daunting but exciting too! I chatted to quite a few others, and some I thought I would go out with, but there was always a little pull with my intuition. Do your research, ladies! I remember one gentleman, nice but he still lived with his mum! Nope, not happening in my 40’s. Then I came across this man that intrigued me, an outdoors guy, 2 daughters (did not scare me at all), a mountain biker, loved the water, and was pretty handsome😊. I decided to meet him on a date in Canmore AB, little secret I will let out. I said I was not from the Bow Valley. I was a single woman living alone at that time, so I thought it was wise choice, at least initially.
Darren is his name…. Darren Freeman. We had our first date at Iron Goat in Canmore, Alberta. I know this was only my first date, and kept an open mind, but I was SO nervous. I mean, I had not been on a date with another man in 12 years! My knees were weak when my eyes met with Darren. His smile is home, an instant connection on both sides. We sat down at the table and we talked and talked and talked. Every time the waitress came back, we were never ready to order, our eyes were locked, our hearts were beating, a strong connection. We left the restaurant & said our good-byes. It was the best hug, the kind that you want to just stay in the person’s arms forever. Then I thought is he going to want to have another date with me? And going through these motions was so unfamiliar, I felt like I was a teenager! Not far from home, I was exiting the highway, and there was a text. I know I was driving, sorry, love does funny things. Darren wants to have another date! The butterflies were going crazy! Heck yes, to another date.
I could write an entire book about love after divorce. Is it possible, yes! Everyone has different ways of processing and moving on. Some may take a while, be patient with yourself, some may never want to be with another, and others may want to find love true love. It is a process. It is grief, and anxiety will show up, emotions you are not used to having. Don’t hide from any of this, don’t hide from your feelings. Heal in whatever way YOU need to. But know this, love is possible after divorce. Whole-hearted, passionate love is out there for you. You just have to be willing to take the leap. What do you have to lose?
My parents taught and showed me so much about love and relationships. Even though I went through a divorce it does not make me any less of a woman or a woman that cannot love and be loved. The fact is you need to allow yourself to be loved and let yourself fall because you deserve this kind of love.
You are all wondering - what happened with Darren? I ended up marrying Darren, the man of my dreams, my best friend, lover, and the best father to two amazing girls. Every day, I am grateful for letting my heart love again and want to be loved unconditionally. Not by only 1 amazing man but also 2 amazing stepdaughters.
Sending tons of compassion your way,
Sarah xo
